Ray Nagin, Economic Genius

Ray Nagin has positioned himself as a shoe-in for the Nobel Prize in Economics with his latest scholarly work, "Recession: Bad for Everyone Else, Good for the Chocolate City."

Pres Kabacoff and the Voodoo Priestess

Jeffrey, Oyster and Suspect Device react to Pres Kabacoff's plan to develop a healing center with his voodoo priestess girlfriend.

Quentin Brown for City Council

Just kidding with the post title. I'm not really endorsing him, but I thought I'd share my experience with local character and perennial City Council candidate Quentin Brown, who is now running for the at large slot that is open after Oliver Thomas' guilty plea and resignation.

During the run-up to the last City Council election, I was outside edging my lawn when Quentin walked by and introduced himself as a candidate for the spot that Stacy Head ultimately won. He was funny. Since I was tending to my lawn, he also offered his lawn care services to me. He gave me two business cards, one for the lawn care and odd jobs business, and for some reason, he gave me a second business card with a business name of "Cash Money, Inc." or something along those lines. I looked it up in the Louisiana Secretary of State corporations database, and it wasn't listed there, so if he really has such a company, it must be registered in another state or offshore.

My lawn guy hadn't returned after Katrina at the time, so I called Quentin for an estimate and ended up using him for months. Many yard men come and go whenever they want, and you never know when they may show up, making it difficult to open locked gates, arrange payment, etc. Quentin was different. He came promptly every two weeks and always called in advance to confirm to make sure he was paid on time.

He was also serious about campaigning, saying that he took three days a week away from his businesses to campaign. His handwritten campaign flyers and signs were classic. His signature catch phrase was "No More B.S." On some signs, he wrote out the word "bull" and abbreviated the "s." On other signs, though, he abbreviated the "b" but spelled out the "s" word. If you're going to abbreviate one of the two words in b.s., who would abbreviate the first word but not the second?

I ended up parting ways with Quentin and his lawn service for two reasons. My pre-Katrina yard man returned to the area, and I wanted to support him since he flooded. Also, Quentin pushed his car detailing business as an add-on service he could provide, and I had him detail one of my cars. When he and his assistant were done, the loose change in my console was missing.

Bill Jefferson Pre-Paid Bribe Card

Congressman William Jefferson of New Orleans is looking to launch a pre-paid bribe debit card for Louisiana residents to more easily pay off state legislators. Story at New Orleans Levee.

Geek Gets Tattoos of Favorite Bloggers

Unbelievable. Feel free to tattoo Nola Blogger anywhere you like, if you're so inclined.

Top Ten David Vitter Excuses

10. I was just looking for Ted Kennedy -- he's at the brothel every day.
9. I was just enjoying a glass of wine and pleasant conversation for $300 an hour.
8. I'm addicted to Wendys.
7. Louisiana voters have elected Bill Jefferson, Ray Nagin, Eddie Jordan and Kathleen Blanco -- they have even worse standards than I do.
6. The hookers all speak very fondly of me. I'm one of their favorite johns.
5. I am a gay American.
4. Wendy (my wife, not my whore) is going to Lorena Bobbitt me -- isn't that punishment enough?
3. I oppose gay marriage, not straight married guys visiting whorehouses. I never said I opposed that. I am not a hypocrite.
2. Bill Clinton was a regular there. They named a bedroom after him.
1. Doesn't everybody pay hookers $300 an hour to dress them in diapers?

Joey Chestnut Defeats Takeru Kobayashi

After all the intrigue over six time defending world champion TakeruKobayashi's jaw injury, American underdog challenger Joey Chestnut ate a world record 66 hot dogs and buns in 12 minutes to win the championship. Kobayashi ate 63 but had a controversial "reversal of fortune" (i.e., he threw up) in the closing seconds which can lead to a disqualification or reduction in score.

Kobayashi to Defend Hot Dog Eating Crown

It wouldn't be the Fourth of July without watching the Super Bowl of competitive eating, featuring reigning champion Takeru Kobayashi. The big story this year is Kobayashi's jaw injury, which has limited his training and may slow him down in the competition. Full details of his showdown with American underdog Joey Chestnut here.

Steve Kelley Cartoon on the Ted Kennedy Illegal Alien Amnesty Bill

Link here.

Update on Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

Mostly Cajun weighs in on Mayor Nagin's decision to pay Sri Sri Ravi Shankar to help us all achieve harmony, stress management and clarity of mind. He doesn't think it's a good idea.

B-Stupid Outsmarted by the Feds

Brilliant criminal mastermind and Mensa member Ivory Brandon "B-Stupid" Harris was outsmarted by federal authorities, leading to his arrest and guilty plea on charges of violating drug trafficking and firearms laws. B-Stupid admits that he, Calvert "Soulja" Magee, Jr. and others conspired to deal at least 50 grams of crack cocaine, heroin and marijuana and that he played a part in the Fat Tuesday 2006 fatal shooting of Jermaine "Manny" Wise. Who would have thought that "B-Stupid" would be smart enough to out think a guy named "Wise"? Police say B-Stupid has been running the streets of Uptown for years, leaving a trail of violence and crime in his wake. With a nickname like B-Stupid, I never thought the feds had a chance of outwitting him.

Outsource Your Own Job and Pocket the Difference

Wired Magazine writes about a programmer who outsourced his own job to a developer in India. He earned $67,000 and paid the Indian $12,000 to do the same job, spending only 90 minutes a day working.

"About a year ago I hired a developer in India to do my job. I pay him $12,000 to do the job I get paid $67,000 for. He's happy to have the work. I'm happy that I only have to work 90 minutes a day, talking code. My employer thinks I'm telecommuting. Now I'm considering getting a second job and doing the same thing."

Considering getting a second job? He should get 10 jobs and outsource them all.

Besides outsourcing your own job, you can also outsource your personal life -- I'll post more on that soon.

Dry Cleaner Wins $67 Million Lost Pants Case

Administrative Law Judge Roy Pearson's bogus $67 million lawsuit against his dry cleaner for losing a pair of trousers has ended in defeat. In fairness to Pearson, he had reduced his initial greedy $67 million demand to a mere $54 million. Washington D.C. Superior Judge Judith Bartnoff ruled that the owners of Custom Cleaners did not violate the city's consumer protection law by failing to live up to what Pearson claimed was his expectation of the "satisfaction guaranteed" sign in the store's window. Bartnoff ordered that Pearson pay the dry cleaner's court costs, and he will consider the dry cleaner's motion to recover his attorney's fees.

Nagin Hires Spiritual Guru Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

Just when you think Ray Nagin can't get any nuttier, he goes and hires an Indian spiritual guru to heal the City's problems. His holiness' name is Ravi Shankar, but he prefers to be called Sri Sri, which is apparently some term of respect among leaders of this sort. Reminds me of "the Maestro" on Seinfeld, only this isn't a sitcom, this is our actual Mayor throwing taxpayer money down the toilet.

Sri Sri Ravi's central message is that humans are like bananas, nourished by spiritual values common to all world religions and most individual spiritual paths, while the symbols and practices of these religions are like the banana's skin. I am not making this up. His aim is to foster a secularized, humanized, non-exclusive spirituality that will help people recognize the good in every human being.

Perhaps if things don't work out with his holiness Sri Sri, Nagin can ask the Church of Scientology to help us out. God help us all.

A Day in the Life of Mose Jefferson

This week, news of another Jefferson family bribe surfaced, this time involving Orleans Parish School Board member Ellenese Brooks-Simms' guilty plea to charges that she accepted more than $100,000 in bribes from Mose Jefferson, indicted Congressman Bill Jefferson's brother, in exchange for supporting a multi-million dollar contract for math improvement software. It makes you wonder what Mose does with himself all day. Bill has a job in Congress and sometimes is distracted from all the bribes by official business, fundraisers, rubber chicken dinners and the like, and he probably can't accept suitcases of illegal cash when he has to be in the Capitol itself. Moses, on the other hand, seems to be free to conduct his bribes full time, all day every day. I wonder how he divides his time. He has to service existing bribes. Then there's that delightful Jefferson family tradition of increasing their take every year. If the Jeffersons land you a prime government contract, they may only force you to pay 10% of your profits to one of their family businesses during the first year, but you know the percentage is going to go up every year, and someone has to negotiate those increases. Then, like any business, he has to solicit new bribes - can't exactly run a commercial on tv for that. Mose probably leads a very busy life servicing existing bribes, increasing the family's take on existing bribes and soliciting new bribes.

14% of Americans are Idiots

A new Gallup poll says that 14% of Americans have a great deal or quite a lot of confidence in Congress. Who are these idiots? Have they read the Kennedy Amnesty bill?

Shhhhh, Don't Tell FEMA Our Roads Weren't Perfect Before Katrina

Say what you will about Ray Nagin's performance as Mayor, but somehow he managed to convince FEMA that our roads were in good shape before Katrina and that we need federal money to return them to their pristine pre-Katrina condition. I suppose the only person dumb enough to believe a lie like that is a federal bureaucrat.

Hurricane Season Tips from Mr. Bill

Mr. Bill's Top Ten Hurricane Season Tips.

He Needs Them

Headline: Nagin Demands State Provide Mental Health Services.

What Would We Do Without Reports?

New Orleans Leadership Lacking, Report Says.